Eliza Endures Abuse

Eliza's personal problems apparently run deep.  This week, she subjects herself to a verbal harangue from Don't Ask Software's Abuse, released in the early 1980's as a parody of Eliza-type programs.  Since Abuse isn't particularly open to discussion and spends most of its time generating random insults, and it also uses a lot of commas which the Broadcast Database version of Eliza does not know to handle, the conversation breaks down quickly and ultimately gets caught in a repeating loop.  No Turing Test candidacy here; it is a tale told by an algorithm, full of text and fury, signifying nothing.

The transcript:

So, you want to play abuse, eh?
Well, say something, stupid!

HI! I'M ELIZA THE BROADCAST PSYCHIATRIST,
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

Oh, go away! Your grandmother longs for trash bags.

Go on...

?Redo from start

Am I supposed to understand that?

SAY, DO YOU WORK IN BROADCASTING?

You're a real whiz at this. Get out of here, you tongue-tied slime heap.

?Redo from start

Am I supposed to understand that?

PLEASE DON'T REPEAT YOURSELF!

On your knees, pathetic one.

?Redo from start

Am I supposed to understand that?

PLEASE DON'T REPEAT YOURSELF!

Beggars make me sick! Get away from me, you gibbering reject.

?Redo from start

Am I supposed to understand that?

PLEASE DON'T REPEAT YOURSELF!

On your knees, pathetic one.

?Redo from start

Am I supposed to understand that?

PLEASE DON'T REPEAT YOURSELF!

Beggars make me sick!
May repulsive junkies haunt all you dreams.
I wish you would trip over liverwurst.
You're steaming up the screen!

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I AM STEAMING UP THE SCREEN

Not bad. (Not good either.)
May a crazed harlequin induce boils all over your father-in-law.

ARE YOU SAYING NO JUST TO BE NEGATIVE?

Probably.
I'm getting bored!

DID YOU COME TO ME BECAUSE YOU ARE GETTING BORED

Is that the "A" material?
May ferocious urban comics mash your husband.
Your next stupid remark?

WHY ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT MY HUSBAND. MY  NEXT STUPID REMARK?

Questions, questions... bug off!
May several cranks clobber the small of your back.
So, now what?

?Redo from start

Am I supposed to understand that?

WHAT DOES THAT SUGGEST TO YOU?

Yeah yeah yeah...
May a stupid turkey knock you senseless.
Why don't you caress a bed pan.
Don't you have anything better to do?

DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE I DON'T CARESS A BED PAN. DON'T I HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?

What a lame-brain.
May a wanted criminal make you lift a piano.
Aw, go look like your navel.
What's your problem, anyway?

?Redo from start

Am I supposed to understand that?

I SEE.

Swell!
Go jump in a lake, you repulsive sewer rat.

?Redo from start

Am I supposed to understand that?

PLEASE DON'T REPEAT YOURSELF!

On your knees, pathetic one.
I'm fed up with you, you disgusting slime heap.

PLEASE DON'T REPEAT YOURSELF!


[Ed.:  Well, that's quite enough of that.]